Wow. It's been about two months or so since I last wrote and A LOT has happened since then. I've begun my job at my church and it is awesome. I'm discovering that ministry is hard. Really hard. But the people make up for it. I've met so many wonderful people.
I've also moved into my new apartment. I love it. It's so nice to come home and not have to answer to anyone. However, at the same time it's rather lonely. I'm such a people person that I miss my friendships on a regular basis. I've met a lot of people, but it's not the same... yet. :) I understand that it will take some time to rebuild my circle of friends and those that I trust. I went to a "Back to Childhood" night at a friend's house on Saturday and it was awesome. We watched all the cartoons that we grew up with (looney tunes, disney, etc) and ate all the stuff that made us sick as kids (cookie cake, cheese balls, rice krispy treats, hot dogs, nachos, it was awesome). I really enjoyed myself and it allowed me to meet some new people. Granted, everyone there knew each other except for me, but I was still able to have some nice conversation with the people there.
I woke up late today. It sucked. I was supposed to be at church five minutes after I awoke. NEVER AGAIN will that happen. argh. I hate that feeling of "burning the candle at both ends." I like to be on time, so to be pushing it sucks for me.
And lastly, I bought a cockatiel this weekend. I'm not sure what to name it because I don't know what sex it is. I was thinking something gender neutral:) Alas, it's late and I need to get going to bed. Tomorrow's a day off and I have a couple of things I need to get done. NIGHT!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
Holidays, Old Friends, and new goings on...
Happy belated 4th of July! I know...REALLY late. Oh well, I'm over it. The holiday was fun this year. I was able to visit my cousins who live in Arvada, CO and we had a big barbecue with the rest of the family and all the baby cousins. My cousins live on a hill overlooking a huge outdoor softball complex that hosts fireworks every Independence Day. Because of the location of their house, we have one of the best professional fireworks viewing seats every year. Truly a treat.
Today my friends Nick and Geebee Hanson (and of course Chobi!) came through Denver on their way out to CA and stopped for a visit. We went to Red Rocks Amphitheatre and ate at Noodles & Company. Good times for sure. I miss those two (Nick and GB, not Red Rocks and Noodles...) and it was really good to see them and catch up a little bit. That, and the visit to uuu-game-uu-stohp-uuu. :) In all it was great to see some familiar faces!
At dinner I shared a few thoughts with Nick and Geebee. I've been doing a lot of Bible reading and delving deeper into my faith now that I have a little more time outside of school. It's been eye-opening in so many ways. One of my prayers every day is for wisdom...Wisdom to make the right decisions in accordance with God's will, wisdom to discern, really, just WISDOM. And I've learned the power of prayer especially in this position because God has decided to freely give it upon my asking (like he always promises) and it has been life-changing.
Many of you know (some may not) that I have recently procured a job out here in Colorado. This job was a total "out-of-the-blue" happening, but the committee liked me, it's a great church, and it's close to home. I had my heart set on remaining in California, at least for a little while, but God in his wisdom said no. At first I didn't understand why I had received this answer. Surely God wants me to be happy and will give me the desires of my heart as I seek him more each day....
According to his will. It's easy to forget that caveat...
One of the most beautifully simple things about God's wisdom is that he has already given us a great deal of it in Christ. I've been reading the gospel of Luke recently and came across some of the wisdom for which I had been asking. Luke 9:57-62 talks about the cost of following Jesus. One man approaches saying that he'll follow Jesus wherever he goes, and Jesus replies that even the Son has no place to lay his head. Another man says he'll follow but wants to bury his dead father before he leaves. Jesus tells him to "let the dead bury their own dead" and "you, go and procalim the kingdom of God." Finally, the last man says that he'll follow but wants to go and say goodbye to his loved ones back home. Jesus says, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." This hit me like a ton of bricks. I am the last man in this story. I had so desperately wanted a job in southern CA and realized that it was mainly for selfish reasons. God in his infinite wisdom knew that I would be "looking back" if I were to stay in SoCal. I wouldn't be looking at home here in CO, but at Concordia, the place I've called "home" for the last four years. I wanted to say my goodbye without truly having to. My ministry would have suffered because it would have not been whole-hearted with the distraction of "home" just down the freeway.
God is making me fit for his kingdom, preparing me to share his word, and sending me out to his people. I was standing in the way of this process. Surely I couldn't be ready and God would know that. Well, God knows EVERYTHING...quite a great deal more than I, really. Therefore he MUST know the goings on of my unsettled heart and also what's BEST for not only me, but HIS PURPOSE. It's so easy to stand in the way and let God take the reigns for direction in my life, but I'm learning...
Today my friends Nick and Geebee Hanson (and of course Chobi!) came through Denver on their way out to CA and stopped for a visit. We went to Red Rocks Amphitheatre and ate at Noodles & Company. Good times for sure. I miss those two (Nick and GB, not Red Rocks and Noodles...) and it was really good to see them and catch up a little bit. That, and the visit to uuu-game-uu-stohp-uuu. :) In all it was great to see some familiar faces!
At dinner I shared a few thoughts with Nick and Geebee. I've been doing a lot of Bible reading and delving deeper into my faith now that I have a little more time outside of school. It's been eye-opening in so many ways. One of my prayers every day is for wisdom...Wisdom to make the right decisions in accordance with God's will, wisdom to discern, really, just WISDOM. And I've learned the power of prayer especially in this position because God has decided to freely give it upon my asking (like he always promises) and it has been life-changing.
Many of you know (some may not) that I have recently procured a job out here in Colorado. This job was a total "out-of-the-blue" happening, but the committee liked me, it's a great church, and it's close to home. I had my heart set on remaining in California, at least for a little while, but God in his wisdom said no. At first I didn't understand why I had received this answer. Surely God wants me to be happy and will give me the desires of my heart as I seek him more each day....
According to his will. It's easy to forget that caveat...
One of the most beautifully simple things about God's wisdom is that he has already given us a great deal of it in Christ. I've been reading the gospel of Luke recently and came across some of the wisdom for which I had been asking. Luke 9:57-62 talks about the cost of following Jesus. One man approaches saying that he'll follow Jesus wherever he goes, and Jesus replies that even the Son has no place to lay his head. Another man says he'll follow but wants to bury his dead father before he leaves. Jesus tells him to "let the dead bury their own dead" and "you, go and procalim the kingdom of God." Finally, the last man says that he'll follow but wants to go and say goodbye to his loved ones back home. Jesus says, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." This hit me like a ton of bricks. I am the last man in this story. I had so desperately wanted a job in southern CA and realized that it was mainly for selfish reasons. God in his infinite wisdom knew that I would be "looking back" if I were to stay in SoCal. I wouldn't be looking at home here in CO, but at Concordia, the place I've called "home" for the last four years. I wanted to say my goodbye without truly having to. My ministry would have suffered because it would have not been whole-hearted with the distraction of "home" just down the freeway.
God is making me fit for his kingdom, preparing me to share his word, and sending me out to his people. I was standing in the way of this process. Surely I couldn't be ready and God would know that. Well, God knows EVERYTHING...quite a great deal more than I, really. Therefore he MUST know the goings on of my unsettled heart and also what's BEST for not only me, but HIS PURPOSE. It's so easy to stand in the way and let God take the reigns for direction in my life, but I'm learning...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
When God Closes Doors...
So it has been QUITE some time since last I wrote on this blog...
I am now at my home in Colorado with my parents. I'm appreciating it a lot this time now that I don't have the security of school to return to after the summer. I've been playing piano with my church praise band which has been good because it's keeping me in the practice of playing with a group and for a service. I'm actually leading solo this week because our regular music director will be out of town. EXCITING! I've also been going on quite a few bike rides which has been really nice. I've been re-falling in love with Colorado and all it has to offer. I rode for two hours today with my friend Daniel. It was awesome, but I have a wicked sunburn as a result of such a long time exposed to the sun...
Now for the title of this entry...
I have been waiting.... and waiting.... and still waiting for a job in a church somewhere...ANYWHERE. I ended up turning down my first offer to a church because I felt that I was not being called to the church by the Lord. Needless to say, further actions of the church thereafter proved that it was not the place to be.
I then interviewed with a church in Redondo Beach, CA. The interview went quite well, and I thought for sure that the job would be secured. Proverbs 19:21 comes to mind at this point, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." The problem with this position was that it was contracted, as opposed to a call. The church decided that a call was more important and the people with whom I interviewed said that they would take it to the next voter's meeting...which took two weeks. Then, they gave me a ring and said that the position was voted a call, but that I'd have to re-interview with them because they were now forming a call committee and so on and so forth.... They were respecting the system, but basically asking me to begin the ENTIRE process with them again after I had more than adequately represented myself. I understand why they were doing this, but I find it frustrating nonetheless.
I recently learned that one job I was gunning for in Costa Mesa, CA was filled. This blew out all hopes that I had of being close to Concordia and a lot of the people that I hold near and dear. To be honest, I was upset at this news. I had my heart set on remaining in southern California for at least a little while. I think I wanted this for several reasons, and most of them selfish. Costa Mesa, or even Redondo Beach would keep me relatively close to my friends at Concordia. I'd also be close to many of the mentors that have helped me in decision making and such for the past four years. I'd be able to sing with the Master Chorale, I'd be close to my "family away from family," the list goes on...
Echoing are the words from Proverbs 19...
I realized that these motives were selfish in a lot of ways, and only really realized this when the job at Costa Mesa was filled by NOT me. Looking at all circumstances, God is truly active in this part of my life. God is closing doors in CA for a reason.
Needless to say, "when God closes doors He usually opens windows."
OUT OF THE BLUE I received a phone call from a pastor at a church in Colorado of all places. The music minister at my church referred me to this guy after RANDOMLY talking to him at a wedding she played at. She told me she had NO REASON to talk to this pastor other than to say, "Hey, how are ya," but he asked her if she knew anyone looking for a full-time music position and she dropped my name almost immediately... He called me two days later and wanted to interview with me. I told him he needed to speak with the placement office at Concordia. Less than ten minutes later he had called and gotten my papers.... So then I interviewed. The interview went VERY well in mind. I represented myself pretty well. I hadn't gotten to see the job description before I went in, and receiving it on my departure realized that almost EVERY WORD I SAID was on the piece of paper they gave me... WEIRD. In the words of an old friend, "Coincedence or God's handiwork; you decide..."
God is faithful, and He is working. He's keeping me waiting for a reason. Thanks for all the prayers and support through this time of limbo... :)
I am now at my home in Colorado with my parents. I'm appreciating it a lot this time now that I don't have the security of school to return to after the summer. I've been playing piano with my church praise band which has been good because it's keeping me in the practice of playing with a group and for a service. I'm actually leading solo this week because our regular music director will be out of town. EXCITING! I've also been going on quite a few bike rides which has been really nice. I've been re-falling in love with Colorado and all it has to offer. I rode for two hours today with my friend Daniel. It was awesome, but I have a wicked sunburn as a result of such a long time exposed to the sun...
Now for the title of this entry...
I have been waiting.... and waiting.... and still waiting for a job in a church somewhere...ANYWHERE. I ended up turning down my first offer to a church because I felt that I was not being called to the church by the Lord. Needless to say, further actions of the church thereafter proved that it was not the place to be.
I then interviewed with a church in Redondo Beach, CA. The interview went quite well, and I thought for sure that the job would be secured. Proverbs 19:21 comes to mind at this point, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." The problem with this position was that it was contracted, as opposed to a call. The church decided that a call was more important and the people with whom I interviewed said that they would take it to the next voter's meeting...which took two weeks. Then, they gave me a ring and said that the position was voted a call, but that I'd have to re-interview with them because they were now forming a call committee and so on and so forth.... They were respecting the system, but basically asking me to begin the ENTIRE process with them again after I had more than adequately represented myself. I understand why they were doing this, but I find it frustrating nonetheless.
I recently learned that one job I was gunning for in Costa Mesa, CA was filled. This blew out all hopes that I had of being close to Concordia and a lot of the people that I hold near and dear. To be honest, I was upset at this news. I had my heart set on remaining in southern California for at least a little while. I think I wanted this for several reasons, and most of them selfish. Costa Mesa, or even Redondo Beach would keep me relatively close to my friends at Concordia. I'd also be close to many of the mentors that have helped me in decision making and such for the past four years. I'd be able to sing with the Master Chorale, I'd be close to my "family away from family," the list goes on...
Echoing are the words from Proverbs 19...
I realized that these motives were selfish in a lot of ways, and only really realized this when the job at Costa Mesa was filled by NOT me. Looking at all circumstances, God is truly active in this part of my life. God is closing doors in CA for a reason.
Needless to say, "when God closes doors He usually opens windows."
OUT OF THE BLUE I received a phone call from a pastor at a church in Colorado of all places. The music minister at my church referred me to this guy after RANDOMLY talking to him at a wedding she played at. She told me she had NO REASON to talk to this pastor other than to say, "Hey, how are ya," but he asked her if she knew anyone looking for a full-time music position and she dropped my name almost immediately... He called me two days later and wanted to interview with me. I told him he needed to speak with the placement office at Concordia. Less than ten minutes later he had called and gotten my papers.... So then I interviewed. The interview went VERY well in mind. I represented myself pretty well. I hadn't gotten to see the job description before I went in, and receiving it on my departure realized that almost EVERY WORD I SAID was on the piece of paper they gave me... WEIRD. In the words of an old friend, "Coincedence or God's handiwork; you decide..."
God is faithful, and He is working. He's keeping me waiting for a reason. Thanks for all the prayers and support through this time of limbo... :)
Monday, May 28, 2007
Wedding Bells
EVERYONE is getting married...at least most of the people I know. Now, having attended Concordia University for four years I would have thought that I was used to the idea of people either getting engaged or married left and right. WRONG. The reality really hit me for the first time this weekend. My good friend Phil got married this weekend and I was blessed with the privilege of being invited as well as being able to attend (I wasn't planning on being in CA this long, but it all worked out). It was so awesome to see one of my best friends go through something like that. Many of my friends have also gotten engaged recently, some to people that will work out, and others that I fear won't. At any rate, they're at least engaged. They've at least gotten to the point where they have someone to call their own. I, however, am alone right now and I fear (however irrational it may be) that this trend will continue. Personal issues seem to limit my more intimate relationships to some extent.
On top of all this, one of my "ex's" was at the wedding I attended this weekend. We are still friends, but she is engaged and, although I am happy for her that she has found someone to be with, I can't help but compare myself to her fiance or our relationship to theirs. It's as if people around me are moving on in life while I am being left in the dust. I am beginning to think that some issues of mine may be more simple to let go of than I am making them. I was at Borders today perusing the Christian section and I found a book by Max Lucado entitled "Traveling Light." It was about not going through life carrying unnecessary burdens around. I feel that I am so desperately clinging to some things that I just don't need to be carrying along. At the same time, it's all I've known and it's hard to put behind me.
Will I find someone? Will I be "alone"? Will the rest of the world continue to pass me by while I cling to the past and what's familiar? These are questions that I don't expect answers to, at least not immediately. Just ponderings that hang out in my mind.
On top of all this, one of my "ex's" was at the wedding I attended this weekend. We are still friends, but she is engaged and, although I am happy for her that she has found someone to be with, I can't help but compare myself to her fiance or our relationship to theirs. It's as if people around me are moving on in life while I am being left in the dust. I am beginning to think that some issues of mine may be more simple to let go of than I am making them. I was at Borders today perusing the Christian section and I found a book by Max Lucado entitled "Traveling Light." It was about not going through life carrying unnecessary burdens around. I feel that I am so desperately clinging to some things that I just don't need to be carrying along. At the same time, it's all I've known and it's hard to put behind me.
Will I find someone? Will I be "alone"? Will the rest of the world continue to pass me by while I cling to the past and what's familiar? These are questions that I don't expect answers to, at least not immediately. Just ponderings that hang out in my mind.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Music
So today i realized one of the sources for the recent funk in which I have found myself. Since graduation I have BARELY spent any time making music. In fact, my musical involvement and development severely diminished after giving my senior recital at the end of March. Today I made the trek back down to Irvine to practice organ in the CU Center. It ended up being a great time. Dr. Busch gave me three books of music to peruse by myself and then came out later to show me some things about the music he had given to me. It was such a splendid afternoon. I miss the hours I would spend in the practice rooms and today was a nice taste of good music making. I have also recently gotten involved with the Youth praise band at Salem Lutheran Church in Orange. Their normal leader was out of town and decided to call me to see if I could help them out for this weekend. Seeing as how I'm SOOOOO busy right now <> I said, "Sure, why not." The kids are actually pretty good, they just need a bit of guidance in how to be more musical. I actually thoroughly enjoyed "teaching" them how to play together as an ensemble rather than a bunch of different instrumentalists trying to drown each other out. Plain and simple, I need to get into a situation where I can have a piano around me so that I can make it a part of my daily routine.
On a different note, thanks to everyone for your kind words and prayers. In no way am I looking for pity by posting some of these things, but thank you for your encouragement. Your words mean a lot to me and is truly using you to speak to me. My pillow is beckoning. Adieu.
On a different note, thanks to everyone for your kind words and prayers. In no way am I looking for pity by posting some of these things, but thank you for your encouragement. Your words mean a lot to me and is truly using you to speak to me. My pillow is beckoning. Adieu.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Sunrise
So, I've done some thinking today...or rather this evening. Life right now seems to be in shambles and very uncertain. It's to the point where I'm fighting off depression and uncharacteristic bouts of anger that have nothing to do with anything except the underlying problem of my "limbo status" in life. Seriously, I'm not an angry person (bitter, maybe), but I yelled at NOTHING in the car today on my way to a rehearsal. If you know anything about me you'll be aware that Nichole Nordeman is my favorite Christian singer/songwriter. She has a song called "Sunrise" that recently hit home with my soul. I got to thinking: "Maybe life's uncertainties at this point are just a 'midnight' that I'm going through. Maybe Jesus is giving me this period of darkness so that I may later appreciate more fully a sense of contentedness and of being settled." Just a thought. Here's the lyrics.
"Sunrise" by Nichole Nordeman; from the album "Recollection: Greatest Hits"
If I had the chance
To go back again
Take a different road, bear a lighter load
Tell an easy story
I would walk away
With my yesterdays
And I would not trade what is broken for beauty only
Every valley
Every bitter chill
Made me ready to climb back up the hill And find that…
(Chorus)
You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?
You’re my horizon
You’re the light of a new dawn
So thank you, thank you
That after the long night, you are sunrise
There’s a moment when
Faith caves in
There’s a time when every soul is certain God is gone
But every shadow is evidence of sun
And every tomorrow holds out hope for us
For every one of us
(Chorus)
You alone will shine
You alone can resurrect this heart of mine
(Chorus)
You are sunrise
God, help me...
The Result of My Boredom
So this is the first real "blog" that I've ever done. I had no real idea to do this until one of my friends said that she had done it. It's okay I guess, seeing as how I have a lot of time on my hands these days.
I just recently graduated from college about two weeks ago, and while I am excited about being done with my college days, I am a little disheartened and lost as well. Life came to a very abrupt halt with the events of graduation. I now find myself living at my sister's house in Orange, CA with her and her three roommates. This would be all well and good, but I've been here for about a week and a half and I fear that my presence is wearing thin with the rest of the roommates. They have not said anything to confirm these fears of mine, but even still I feel as if I am in the way. I hate feeling as if I am a burden or a nuisance. With graduation came the feeling of being homeless. I really have nowhere else to go at this point.
Part of the reason that I am still in CA after graduation is because I am waiting to find placement at a church somewhere in the country. I majored in music and I intend to work for the church, but so far nothing substantial or fitting has come through. I believe that God is working and I know something will turn up that is better than anything I could have expected, but the time and patience it will take to get to that point is the difficult part. Thankfully I have many friends and family who are supporting me through it all.
I went to Disneyland today and it ended up being the perfect day to go. There were literally NO crowds. I walked on to Space Mountian with a 10 minute wait....un-freakin-real. The weather was great and I had a fun day, plain and simple. Maybe that's what God is doing, giving me time to relax and enjoy before the stress and craziness of life sets in.
I just recently graduated from college about two weeks ago, and while I am excited about being done with my college days, I am a little disheartened and lost as well. Life came to a very abrupt halt with the events of graduation. I now find myself living at my sister's house in Orange, CA with her and her three roommates. This would be all well and good, but I've been here for about a week and a half and I fear that my presence is wearing thin with the rest of the roommates. They have not said anything to confirm these fears of mine, but even still I feel as if I am in the way. I hate feeling as if I am a burden or a nuisance. With graduation came the feeling of being homeless. I really have nowhere else to go at this point.
Part of the reason that I am still in CA after graduation is because I am waiting to find placement at a church somewhere in the country. I majored in music and I intend to work for the church, but so far nothing substantial or fitting has come through. I believe that God is working and I know something will turn up that is better than anything I could have expected, but the time and patience it will take to get to that point is the difficult part. Thankfully I have many friends and family who are supporting me through it all.
I went to Disneyland today and it ended up being the perfect day to go. There were literally NO crowds. I walked on to Space Mountian with a 10 minute wait....un-freakin-real. The weather was great and I had a fun day, plain and simple. Maybe that's what God is doing, giving me time to relax and enjoy before the stress and craziness of life sets in.
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